It's Thursday night and I am sitting down for another episode of E.R. When I began watching this show I was living in Chicago working at Bosley Medical Group. My career as a nurse had taken me to a place that was all about hair transplantation and "male patter baldness". So, for me this show was my exposure to "real" medicine. Those of you in medical professions will laugh at that but for my friend Lori and me, it was something to look forward to every week. Every week...Carol, Doug, Mark Green, Peter, Hele... would live the lives we could talk about while transplanting hair or removing a somewhat unaffected by the blood and the pain that is represented. I'm all about the drama, the medical jargon, the problem solving, the procedures....(Much the reason Gene does not watch this show with me.)
Recently, Gene and I rented CRASH.For those who have seen it,you will understand that there is not much I can say to explain it. For those who have not seen it...well, you need to see it. (This movie web site became my devotional guide this week, try it out)Since seeing this movie, it seems that I am constantly confronted with the biases, preconceived notions, insensitivities...the prejudices that I am guilty of. Those things that make up the context in which I see things, people and events.
My day on the job is made up of starting IVs, inserting eye drops that sting, emesis basins, crutches, bloody dressings, screaming children... one patient teased me "so you just go room to room, torturing people?" "I guess that is one way to put it", I replied. I however, had never put it quite that way.
It's hard not to get numb to it. It's my job, going room to room...
Today someone asked me a question that caused me to consider another human relationship dynamic. I had never considered the point of view she suggested and it has me thinking. I can see that I have hardened my heart towards a whole profession of people - to protect myself. Through that lens I view "these people" as arrogant, hot-tempered, inconsiderate, rude - one wrong move on my part could provoke a reaction that will be embarassing and degrading to me - unless they prove to me otherwise. (And then I am surprised enough to come home and tell about it like I discovered some rare treasure.) For this, I am (or I am trying to be) sorry. For every time I did not offer a hand, a smile, an encouraging word to a physician, a medical student, a resident - because I wanted them to ask, assign me some significance, I am sorry (or I know I should be).
What other people have I discriminated against? Who have I witheld acceptance...affirmation...assistance from - for the sake of myself or my reputation? Is this what I learn from Jesus?
I am grateful for this movie, CRASH. It has become a catalyst in revealing my own heart. In the movie we can see behind some of the prejudice into the fear, the misunderstanding, the learned prejudice. The Holy Spirit now is teaching me in my encounters with people...events...stories around me. I am learning to see behind my own actions where there are similar fears, insecurities, ignorance.
I suppose I have to consider again giving up E.R. - is it promoting the desenistization that I am trying to unlearn? Is it promoting the prejudices I have? It's scary how our culture defines us and we don't even realize it. What am I teaching my kids? Will Sam and Spencer learn from me how Jesus sees people? Or, will they learn protect themselves from those they should embrace, ignore those who they could learn from, shun those they should welcome? What do I learn from Jesus?
4 comments:
Hey Juli,
Glad to see Crash moved you that way (some people I know couldn't get past the language). After I saw it the first time with one of the teachers from school (he teaches film to the high schoolers)we went up to Gov's and had beer and discussed it. Both of us were hit like a Mack truck by the film. In fact, it's interesting. That movie was the first movie where Gene's sermons on the kingdom of God were visible to me in film. Since that time, I have witnessed this idea in other films (even ones I have already seen), but that was the one where I just said, "This is a parable about the kingdom of God." Matt Dillon's character marred by anger, prejudice, & lust shows that redemption is possible. No one is beyond hope. God loves even those whom we despise; therefore, why should we despise them? You hear it in church, but when you see the film in its raw brutal beauty (the father & daughter SCENE makes me weep every single time I watch it- 6 & counting), it becomes very real. Both Don (my teacher friend) and I loved this movie so much we went back and saw it again each within two days- he with his wife, me with Dwayne. I really enjoyed reading your post and the food for thought you provided. Your reflection does hit home. It's not just minorities that are victims of our prejudice. For me, it's often students I feel fed up on, so i don't give them the attention they deserve- then when they don't succeed, I write them off as lost causes or lazy. At what point would Jesus have been justified in writing me off? can I remember back that far?
thanks,
jefe
thanks for joining in the conversation...who's a schmuck? not i, i know you wouldn't mean me...
i'm going to see this movie again, i've only seen it once and now - that just seems wrong.
what language?
-j
of course I didn't mean you, Jules. you know me and my mouth. however, if calling you a schmuck got you to acknowledge your favorite potty-mouth alter boy (nice pun, eh))then so be it. So I posted on my blog about my most spiritually significant films- would love to hear your thoughts & Gene's check out subversivejousting.blogspot.com you'll have to scroll down a bit. have you seen Dogville? I REALLY enjoyed that one!! later alligator
jefe
i guess name calling does motivate me... i'm off to your site now... for more of the potty mouth...
it might take much more than that to get gene out here though - give it your best.
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